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Two years ago I wrote a blog post titled This is 38 (apparently I skipped 39, because of that whole global pandemic thing). In that post, I reflected on another year around the sun and wrote the following intentions: I want to spend more time... -basking in the present moment. -staring at the mountains and Puget Sound. -hiking and grounding on the earth. -exploring nearby destinations. -acting spontaneously. -experiencing everyday life with wonder. -feeling gratitude for my blessings. -writing, writing, writing. -being intentional when using the internet. -approaching my clients with curiosity and openness. -living in accordance with my soul. These intentions still resonate with me two years later. They are not fixed, they do not have an end date, they are still relevant as I turn 40. How do I feel about turning 40? I have always subscribed to the Oprah Winfrey school on aging: "Getting older is the best thing that ever happened to me. I wake up every morning rejoicing that I’m still here with an opportunity to begin again and be better." - Oprah Winfrey I truly have no feelings about it, other than feeling grateful and ready to see what the next decade brings.  Here is a fun graphic for those of us born in 1981.  When I was younger, I imagined turning 40 would involve a party with "Over the Hill" banners hanging everywhere, instead I opted for a quiet long weekend in the Washington coastal town of Bellingham. It included all of my favorite things: salt water (complete with a boat ride to the San Juan Islands in which I saw a humpback and her baby), waterfalls, sunsets, coffee, and antique stores. Oh, and don't forget a humpback whale cake and ice cream. These are the things that give me vitality and feel like a celebration of life. No one knows the meaning of life, but at 40, I do know that following the feeling of being alive wherever I can find it is one of the best ways to find meaning.  Cruise through the San Juan islands to Friday Harbor.  Another image from the cruise.  Arrived in Friday Harbor, San Juan Island.  Gallery in Friday Harbor. Can you spot the T-Rex?  Humpback whale tail statue. My favorite animal and a theme from the weekend.  Friday Harbor Marina.  On the cruise back from Friday Harbor the captain stopped and said we were "as lucky as they get," because there was a humpback whale nearby in the water. As we watched the whale dive and surface we realized there was also a calf. It was the best moment of the weekend.  Whatcom Falls Park waterfall.  Beautiful stone bridge.  While antique shopping we happened upon this humpback mural.  We walked the boardwalk with stunning views.  Blue sky finally poked through the clouds.  Along the boardwalk was this statue of a dancer.  A quiet dinner at The Temple Bar at a very private table next to the window.  A toast to 40.  The humpback whale cake of my dreams.  Cake and drinks at an outdoor table at the hotel restaurant. Had the most fabulous view of a beautiful sunset.  The clouds showing off.  The sun setting on my 30s and the moon rising on the next decade. At the stage of life you are in, what gives you vitality? How do you celebrate growing older? "There’s a reason they call it growing older—because it can help you grow wiser, stronger, and happier." - Oprah Winfrey
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In 2020, I interviewed Dr. Bill Rawls, renowned Lyme doctor, for the blog. It was such a positive experience that I was delighted when his staff reached out to me to present in a webinar about Lyme disease and mental health. As a bonus I would be interviewed for an article for the RawlsMD website. You can read the full post here: Lyme Disease + Mental Health: Ways to Improve It from a Lyme-Literate Therapist  How has your mental health been impacted by Lyme disease? "The best doctor in any room will always be your intuition." - Unknown Do you ever wonder why after a break up people listen to sad love songs? What about how upbeat music makes it a little easier to clean the house? There are neurological reasons for these phenomena and when we better understand them we can harness the healing power of music and make it even more effective. Humans have a deep connection to music. We use it to get through difficult times, to celebrate special occasions, to dance to, and even to help us fall asleep. Therapists like to talk about listening to music as a good coping skill. I agree wholeheartedly, but let’s talk about why and how you can amplify this tool in order to best serve you.  Our nervous system has three neural states or “feeling” states that it moves in and out of throughout the day: optimal arousal (calm, vital), high arousal (anxious, restless), low arousal (sad, stuck). They vary in degrees of duration and intensity. For example, we might feel only slightly restless, but not completely flooded with anxiety. If your nervous system is well regulated, you likely move fluidly through these states and spend most of your time in optimal arousal. If your nervous system is chronically dysregulated, you may not spend much time in optimal arousal at all and cycle between highs and lows. We want to find ways to move ourselves back into a regulated state and music is one of our most important tools. Our ears have a direct link to the nervous system and subtle parts of hearing can be impacted by trauma. Listening to music that “moves” you can help stimulate movement in the nervous system.  As humans we need two primary things, we need to feel understood, and we need to feel better when we don’t feel good. Music helps us with both of these basic needs. Think about music as a way to feel validated when needed and shift our feeling state when needed. When we are feeling sad or angry we need to feel understood and validated in those feelings. But as a society we are very uncomfortable with bad feelings. Sometimes if you turn to a friend or family member they go into “fix it” mode or “cheer up” mode. It comes from a good place, but it misses our need for attunement. Music doesn’t do that, music feels with us. Music is also a way to shift our neural state if we are feeling stuck in it and desire an adjustment rather than to be understood. It is very common for me to turn on an upbeat song as a motivator.  I’ve provided some examples of songs. You may consider making these categories (using titles that resonate with you) into Spotify playlists in order to have them available anytime you need them: Songs to Upregulate (move out of low arousal into optimal arousal) You Make My Dreams (Come True) by Hall & Oates Good as Hell by Lizzo Raise Your Glass by Pink Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen Africa by Toto Songs to Downregulate (move out of high arousal into optimal arousal) I’ll Follow the Sun by The Beatles At This Point in My Life by Tracey Chapman I Shall Not Walk Alone by Ben Harper And So It Goes by Billy Joel Wildflowers by Tom Petty Songs to Regulate (move into optimal arousal) Shelter From the Storm by Bob Dylan Beautiful by Carole King Three Little Birds by Bob Marley Both Sides Now by Jonie Mitchell Up the Ladder to the Roof by The Supremes  Songs to Resonate with Hypoarousal Make You Feel My Love by Adele Operator by Jim Croce Purple Rain by Prince Black (featuring Norah Jones) by Danger Mouse, Danielle Luppi, Norah Jones The Stone by Dave Matthews Band Songs to Resonate with Hyperarousal Under Pressure by David Bowie Breathin’ by Ariana Grande Anxiety by Julia Michaels (with Selena Gomez) Son of a Bitch by Nathanial Rateliff & The Night Sweats Perfume by Britney Spears Songs to Resonate with Dysregulation The Story by Brandi Carlile People Like Us by Kelly Clarkson Shake It Off by Florence + The Machine Lost Stars by Adam Levine Happy & Sad by Kasey Musgraves Songs to Amplify Optimal Arousal Hallelujah, I Love Her So by Ray Charles I Like It by The Chicks Dance Again by Jennifer Lopez Thank You by Alanis Morrisette Rainbow Connection by The Muppets  A fun game I like to play with my Spotify playlist. I have a playlist that includes songs I love from most of these categories. Sometimes I just ask in my mind, “What do I need to hear today.” It’s not magic, I’m not psychic. It’s a game of synchronicity that usually resonates deeply with my current feeling state. Sometimes it doesn’t, but that only encourages me to seek out a song or playlist that will. Comment below with the songs that help your nervous system. "Music can heal the wounds which medicine cannot touch." - Debasish Mridha |
WelcomeI'm Kerry (She/Her/Hers) and I am a licensed therapist, writer & speaker. This is a positive space focused on how to thrive in any situation and the transformative power of suffering. 
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